JOKES

Purchasing in the Mall: There was this grandfather who told his son, "You know grandson, before when I used to go to the mall I picked up many things in the department store. when I came out, I had already plenty of goods canned goods groceries and even a pair of new shoes. The son innocently asked,  "How about now Grandpa can you still do carry those things". The grandfather answered, "Today there's already a change I could not do what I could have done before because today there are many CCTV cameras". 

Wake Mass: A father and son went to the wake mass for a dead friend. Before going, the father said to the son, "My son, we need to stay longer in the wake to meet some of our friends to show solidarity." 

While they are at the wake, the father says, My son, Let us go faster. Come on! 

The Son is surprised and asks his father, Why? It was he, the father to remained longer time at the wake, of what happened to him. 

The Father replied with fear, "My son, didn't you read the announcement, written there: The remains will be cremated. 

The Parish Priest asked the question to the parishioners, "What is the funny celebration of the Church: Many said different days including Christmas, Gauedete Sunday and etc . The Priest said no. It is    - EPI-FUNNY

Power of Prayer of the monk, The Monk after having some training in the Monastery found himself very prayerful. So he went to the forest to exercise his power of Prayer. There appeared a lion in front of him. He was confident and knelt down and prayed in front of the lion, "Lord, Make this lion into a cushion, so that I may sit on it". The lion stopped and obeyed him and made the cross, in the name of the Father. Then after some time, the lion prayed the prayer before the breakfast, "Bless us O! lord and these your gifts which we ... 

Resurrection after three days of Agony: 

Isang Matatang Pari, An old priest was hated by his companions or members of his religious community. He was always yelling/shouting, angry and criticizing. At one moment, the Priest realized this and wanted to attend a retreat to change his bad behavior. After returning from a fruitful retreat, he immediately put a board outside the door of his room. This is written: "The old man who once resided here is no longer alive! He is dead and was buried!. Those who read it could not believe it. But really, a "new" priest was seen in that old man. No more yelling. No longer angry. 

The first few days, he was okay, but after the third day they were very disappointed because little by little the bad behavior of the old priest returned. So to the annoyance of one of his fellow priests, he took a ballpen and wrote something on the sign hanging on his door: "The old man who once resided here is no longer alive. He was dead and was buried..." but there is a continuation "... and on the third day he rose again!"

Vacation for Priests:

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation. To improve their chances of having a real vacation, they decided not to wear anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying their drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop dead, gorgeous, blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare. When she passed them,she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests?

After a while, the same gorgeous blonde came walking toward them. Again, she approached them and greeted them individually, said "Good morning Father," and walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it. "Just a minute young lady," he said. "Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know: how in the world did you know we are priests?"

"Father, it's me, Sister Veronica."

Beauty is an imagination, not pride

There is a story of a woman who approached to a priest to confess.   “Pakiramdam ko po’y nagkasala ako, ” (I feel guilty) ang sabi niya.  This morning, before I went to church, it was very intense I was proud of myself. I sat in front of the mirror for an hour while I admire my beauty.” The priest looked at him and answered: “Hija, hindi ito kapalaluan kundi imahinasyon!”  "Hija, this is not pride but imagination!”

God's letter to Good people: Have you ever received an invitation to a party with an RSVP on it? RSVP is a French word which means in English "respond as you please", to find out if you can attend or not. You must answer because the place reserved for you is a waste! What if God himself gave you an RSVP? will you answer

There is a story that God once commanded an angel to go to earth and count how many wicked people there are. It immediately followed to fulfill its mission but only after a few days it returned. When God the Father asked him, he said: " “Panginoon, masyado pong marami ang taong masasama sa lupa". (Lord, there are too many wicked people on earth). I've only been to one place, it was in Tundo and I've had a hard time counting the number of people whose souls are broken. 

The angel said, "Puwede po bang yung mabubuti na lang ang bilangin ko?" Can I just count the good ones?" God answered him: "Alright, it's even better to speed up your work because we're going to give them an invitation! We will have a great feast here in heaven!” He returned again and as expected finished the count early. 

“Ngayon”, sabi ng Diyos Ama,”papadalhan natin ng sulat ang mga taong mabubuti. "Now", said God the Father,"we will send a letter to the good people. I want to invite them to a feast. 

God said, Bibigyan mo ng sulat ang bawat taong mabuti! Ang masasama ay huwag mong bigyan. Hindi sila kasali sa gagawin kong piging!” You will give a letter to every good person! Do not give to the bad. They are not part of my feast!” 

And so the angel did, giving a letter to all the good people on earth and the invitation to RSVP! 

Alam n’yo ba kung ano ang nakalagay sa sulat? Nabasa nyo ba ang sulat? Hindi? Hindi n’yo alam kung ano ang nakasulat? Do you know what is written in the letter? did you read the letter? No? You don't know what is written? 

haha! Then you are not given! hehehe...Maybe just a story but it tells us the truth. There are indeed good and bad people in our world! We cannot deny it. The harsher truth is this. It seems that the bad people are "enjoying" and prospering in their lives while the good people are suffering and miserable! What's this? Why do bad weeds take so long to die? Why does God allow this to happen? 

The parable in our Gospel has the answer: God is patient.